im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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