i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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