my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
