so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
