This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
