I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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