just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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