do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
