He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I party with great urgency now.
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