a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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