I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
