I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
