She is in my trunk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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