Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My cat gives me a boner
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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