you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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