i may or may not be watching the land before time
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
