I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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