I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
