the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
