Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
