My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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