When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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