Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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