I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
