nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
