I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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