oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
