tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
