I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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