Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
