If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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