I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
