I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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