Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
