i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
