It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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