I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Watching her eat just hurts me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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