Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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