You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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