My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
