In the future we'll all be gay
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
