new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
