We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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