I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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