it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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