Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
there is glitter all over my balls
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
