Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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