what day is it and did you see me today?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
