try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
