If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
