there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
