I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
