do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
