my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
